Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
farters have to be the big spoon...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize