Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize