next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
