Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
