we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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