If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's never too late to be topless.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
