I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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