Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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