I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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