You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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