oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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