I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
