When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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