Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
