you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Can i not drive my cunt home
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize