We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Randomize
