well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Holy sore nipples Batman
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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