You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
