he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
