How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
