Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
