So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Found the puke drawer
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
