no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If its not for food we ain't going out.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
