I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
