I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
