Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize