Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
