there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
