I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
