I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
