I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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