So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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