shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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