one two three fourrrrnication!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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