Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
