Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
