So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
