She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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