Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
