i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
