A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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