my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
