My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize