I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
