Me too!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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