when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
