yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
