So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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