Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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