Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
