Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
