You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
