my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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