my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
