Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
