does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
