I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
