stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
