we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Randomize
