your parents love me but you hate me
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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