I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
