I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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