If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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