mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
