May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
