There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
