In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just threw up on my dentist
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
