I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
