you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
