This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
