He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My bed smells like the plague
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