The maid of honor just puked.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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