This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
