I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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