His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
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