Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize