I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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