I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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